Precious Things ch.6 alternate version: MSTing by Nightbreak: Presenting "MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER NIGHTS" by Nightbreak (A MSTing of a Transformers Lemon Fanfic) Whoever owns the Transformers, they have the rights to them. I didn't write this story. Not like I'd want to, either. The original story belongs to Phantom and he's welcome to it. This is just *too* twisted. He passes the blame on to his friends, but he still wrote it. O_o Mystery Science Theater is the property of Best Brains Inc. and other people who work with that show. All copyrights are respectfully theirs. I don't have any money, anyways. So I doubt they would get anything out of suing me. On The Record: This is my 19th MSTing. It's after my teaming with Crowbar on Ratliff's "Unseen Signs". Coming up on Number 20! Let's hope it's memorable. WARNING: The following fanfiction contains a rather twisted sexual situation. If you are underage, please go back. If you don't want to read this, please go back. If you value your sanity, please go back! Okay. I warned you. . . *DEEP 13, 2200 HOURS* *0200 HOURS IN KUALA LUMPUR* *AND IT'S ZERO HOUR FOR BILL CLINTON* Dr. Clayton Forrester scowled at the video image of his original "Satellite of Love", which housed his three idiotic inmates. He couldn't understand why their spirits had yet to be broken. Hadn't he forced the worst movies, posts, and fanfics on them for more than nine years? By all rights, they should have dissolved into quivering piles of jelly long ago! Then he glanced at another display. This one was the scanner for every satellite in Earth's orbit. He scowled at it as well. "Frank! What's wrong with this? All this wavering and bubbling! You call this a scanner?" The ever-goofy and lovable TV's Frank ambled in. "Uh, no sir. I call it, "Mr. Sake!" Would you like some?" "Oh. . . of course! I always need a drink when I see this screen! You know that!" "Certainly, sir." Frank, soothed, pouring a small cup of the rice wine and handing to his boss. Snatching the proffered cup, Dr. Forrester snorted. "All right. Now, where's the scanner?" "Right here, sir." Frank nodded at the next machine, the "Mr. Scanner" "Yes. . ." Dr. Forrester scrutinized the display, then tapped a couple of buttons. Most of the blips on the screen vanished, leaving only those which the computer couldn't directly link to any country. 15 little blips remained. Some were labelled "S.O.L", followed by a number. Others were labelled "S.O.N.", "HEN" , "SOAP", "SOS", and other short names. Aboard each, other evil villains were attempting to duplicate *his* precious experiment! More than 50 people were now orbiting the earth, bad fanfiction hammering away at their souls. Dr. Forrester tapped the "S.O.N." blip. "Frank, what have you heard about Vincent's little project? Any recent news?" "Uh, nothing from him, Steve, but according to last report, it won't be up there much longer. A bad *accident* is in the making." An evil grin crossed Clayton Forrester's face. "Excellent. And Dr. Thinker's Satellite?" "Still incomprehensible, sir." "Hentaispace?" "Quiet for a long time, sir. Nothing's been coming out of many of them for a while." "So," Dr. Forrester chuckled, "No one else has broken anyone's will, either. We're still in the race. And with 4 Satellites of my own . . ." He broke off and peered at one blip marked, "Satellite of Slash". "Frank, about this one. . . I don't think it will prove enlightening. I hate to lose an edge like this, but that annoying little Slash of a temp is ignoring half the stuff I send him! He'll never crack like that and he's wasting valuable space and air!" "Should I *push the button*, sir?" "Excellent idea! Go right ahead." Frank reached over to the bank of buttons labelled, "Self-Destruct" and jabbed one of them. Far above the Earth, a blossom of fire and debris lit up high orbit. Pieces of the Satellite of Slash spun out into the vacuum, never to return. Dr. Forrester nodded in satisfaction, then frowned as the sound of distant cheering reached his ears. "Frank?" "It seems to be coming from the Internet, sir." "Odd. . ." he mused. "Well, enough fun and games for now. Call Joel and his Dumpster Duo and let's get back to work!" *SATELLITE OF LOVE* The twanging of an electric guitar echoed throughout the halls and rooms of the Satellite of Love, bouncing off the metal walls. Sitting with her feet on the main console, Soi ran her fingers along the strings again. Then she stretched and flexed her fingers. As joints popped, sparks flashed from them. With a grin, she picked the guitar back up and proceeded to play a series of NWO-style riffs. "Hey, not bad," commented Crow T. Robot, as he and Tom Servo came onto the bridge. "But, uh, don't you need to plug it in for that kind of sound?" "Not when you're an Electric Youth!" she replied, switching to a hard-edged solo, Newsboys style. "For me, there's no such thing as "Unplugged"." "So, where's the Light Switch O' Doom?" Tom asked. "Dr. F. is going to be calling soon." Soi looked up. "Ummmmm, good question. I *think* it's in my room." Joel walked out. "What is?" She grimaced. "The Fanfic Switcher. I'm not quite sure where it is." As if by fate, (Yeah, yeah, it is a cliche, I know.) The bridge lights shifted into red, bathing everyone in a garish light. Soi jumped up and handed her guitar to Joel. "You guys keep him busy, I'll go and look for it." "Good idea," Tom muttered, as she jogged past him. *DEEP 13* "Ah hello, Eric Clapton and company," sneered Dr. Clayton Forrester. "I've just killed some people for annoying me. Feeling lucky today?" On the viewscreen, the bots gulped. "Good. Now, over to our Invention Exchange. You can go first." *SATELLITE OF LOVE* Joel grinned. "Right-ho, sir! Well, you know all about Gummie. Gummie Dinosaurs, Gummie Bears, Gummie Fish. So, we've come up with our own Gummifier!" In Deep 13, Dr. Forrester blinked. "A WHAT?" Joel indicated a rather large box on the main console. "A Gummifier, sir. Now, let's say you feel like something novel, like, oh, a Gummie Hammer. You just take a conveniently nearby hammer, like so. . ." Picking up the oh-so conveniently lying-nearby hammer, he opened the side of the box and placed it inside. "Now, inside, we've used that shapeshifting metal from Terminator 2 to make a Gummie mold. Once it's molded itself to the hammer, you just press this button, select the colours you want, and presto!" From the other side of the box, a small tray slid out. On it was a small array of colourful Gummie Hammers. Joel tilted the tray forward. "And it works with almost anything! What do you think, sir?" *DEEP 13* "Tasty, Joel, if somewhat unthrilling. Now Frank will demonstrate our invention. Frank?" TV's Frank straightened up from the pinball machine he was leaning against. "Well, Joel, now that Disney has dubbed KiKi's Delivery Service into English, the show will soon begin developing its own North American line of merchandise. And we're getting on the bandwagon with our own "KiKi's Pinball Game!" Turning around, he fed in a quarter and proceeded to send the ball rolling around, explaining as he played. "The object is to send Kiki's broom ricocheting into every possible obstacle that you can, just like in the movie! Walls, trees. . ." Just then, a loud airhorn sounded from the machine, followed by a metallic crash. Dr. Forrester grinned evilly. "Plus that Two-Ton Semi for an extra 10,000 points! I can tell you're in awe of my brilliance, Joel, so I won't bother asking you how you liked it. Now, for your experiment. . . A rather charming Transformers lemon fanfic, today. Believe me, it's a *lot* more than you'd expect to meet the eye. Frank! Let's set them rocking and rolling out of their minds!" *SATELLITE OF LOVE* Joel and the bots looked at each other. "I hope Soi's managed to find that switch," muttered Tom. Soi rushed back in, looking scared. "Bad news, guys. . ." Just then, the opening guitar strains of Hollywood Hogan's music began playing. "Too late! WE'VE GOT LEMON SIIIIIGGGNNNN!" Begin Fanboys Door Sequence! Door 6: *Chaos!* Door 5: *Havoc!* Door 4: *Pestilence!* Door 3: *Anarchy!* Door 2: *Mayhem!* Door 1: *Desolation!* (Soi enters the theatre, carrying Tom in her arms. She sets him down in the fourth seat from the right and takes the second seat for herself. Joel sits in the third seat, while Crow takes the first.) Soi: What was with that door sequence? Joel: A little tribute to the Curse of the Fanboys! Fanfic series. ROLL EM! > Precious Things Tom (singing): Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens. . . . > > by Phantom All: (make spooky haunted house noises) > > The blame for this one goes out to Phoenix, Soi: Suzaku-chan? Joel: He's trying to shift the blame? Sneaky. > who insisted that Alita receive something more interesting in the > packet that Prime gave her before she left for her mission. Crow: A nice batch of fresh titanium cookies! > Namely, Optimus on a bearskin rug. All: O_o. . . o_O . . . O_o Tom: I. . . uh, er. . . oh, forget it. *KABOOM!* (Joel, Crow, and Soi duck as flying shards of glass erupt from Tom's exploding bubbledome) Soi: Ouchies. Joel (sighs): Okay, get out the spare. > Where a Transformer would get a bearskin rug is beyond me.... Crow: Must be a little friction twixt the old Transformers and the new. Joel (turning green): Urk! Crow: Joel? What's wrong? Soi: You used the word friction in a lemon, Crow. Crow: Oh. (His golden armour begins to green) Erk! > Chapter Six (alternate) Soi: Well, if you insist. (Everyone gets up and moves over one seat.) > rating: ***+m Tom (head repaired): *KABLAM!* *KABLAM!* *KABLAM!* *click!* Aw. . . missed that last piece of M&M. > Alita gazed at the viewscreen, Joel (Alita): At last, the premiere of Androids! All (singing): Androids, everybody need good androids! Androids have feelings too! > watching her home recede into the distance. She twisted her hands in > her lap, Soi (Alita): *SNAP!* Darn, I just broke a nail! No, wait. . . make that a finger! > trying to regain control over her rampaging emotions. Crow (Alita): Ohdear, ohdear, ohdear. Why did I agree to star in a lemon? >She had to be strong now and calm herself for the task ahead. Tom (Alita): You wanted to see me about an internship, Mr. President? Joel: Too easy, Tom. > She couldn't allow any emotion to cloud her judgment. Joel (Alita): Paper or plastic? > When she felt that she had regained control, she decided to Soi: Stop off at Tim Horton's for a coffee! > prepare herself for her mission. She turned and picked up the packet > beside her, eager to immerse herself Crow: In that tub of Orange Jello. Joel: Crow. . . Crow: I know, I know. Come on, Joel! *Lemon!* > in last-minute details. She frowned at the paper she withdrew. Tom (Alita): The Cybertron Enquirer? > This wasn't the standard last-minute briefing- the format was completely > different. Joel (Alita): *gasp!* They double-spaced it! How could they? > What could it be? Soi (Alita): Oh no, the Internal Mechanics Service wants me to report for a -*whimper*- overhaul! > She gasped, her hand flying to her mouth Tom (Alita): *gulp*. . . Uh-oh. > as she read the last message she would ever receive from her lover. Tom (message): "Goodbye, sucker!" > My Dearest Love, > > Perhaps this isn't the ideal going-away present, Crow: But I got you a really cool set of golf clubs! > but I wanted to let you know how much I love you. Soi: Awwwww. Joel: Soi? Soi: I'm sappy. So sue me. > I understand all too well the pressures you are under at the moment, Tom (Prime): What with this being a suicide mission and all. . . > and I figured this little gift might help to relieve a bit of the tension. Soi (Alita): A Back Buddy? How kawaii! > I had been saving it for the night I would have proposed getting > bonded, but sadly that day will never come. Joel (Prime): Uh, we already killed all the lawyers. Heh heh. > I know that I will never be able to forgive myself for what I've had to do, Crow (Prime): You're still not mad about those jumper cables, are you? > but at least I can make your last few days more enjoyable. Soi (Prime): I sent along a little puppet show for you to watch! > I feel such pangs of emotional agony when I think about never seeing > you again, Joel (Prime): No, wait. . . that's the WD-40 backing up the old digestion tract again. *Urrrrrrrp!* That's better. Soi (rolls eyes): Men. > how you will never again ambush me in my office Crow (Prime): That napalm was *fun!* > and have your way with me, or hide under the desk and pleasure me with > your soft mouth Soi: Let's not discuss the time you accidentally nibbled that exposed wire. Joel & bots: Soi! > while I try in vain to get some work accomplished. Strange that the little > things that used to irk me will be those that I look back upon with the most > fondness. Joel (Prime): Like Decepticons on Jerry Springer last week! Boy, Megatron and Starscream, who would have thought? > My love for you will never die. Tom (Prime): But it could use a tune-up. > You will always be in my heart. Crow: Right next to the alarm clock and fuel pump. > All of my love, > Orion Joel (sniffing and wiping his eyes): That was just out-of-character, it made me cry! Soi: Me, too. > Dying of curiosity, Alita reached into the packet once more Tom: (makes sound of mousetrap snapping) > and withdrew its contents. Her jaw fell open in utter shock. Joel (Alita): Optimus, you sent your head! > This certainly wasn't like the Optimus she knew, who was usually > such a stick-in-the-mud about mixing Crow: So he can't bake a cake, big deal. > sexual adventure into their jobs. Crow: Oh, never mind. > Her optics voraciously devoured the large glossy photo before her > of her lover, stretched languorously out on an enormous Transformer- > scaled reproduction of a bearskin rug, Bots: Ewwwww! Soi (staring): What a head! Joel: SOI!! Soi (gesturing): On the bear! Joel: Oh. > a key piece of armor conspicuously missing between his legs Crow: Look at all that rust! Joel: I'd rather not. > as well as on his face. His optics were dimmed to a dark violet, Tom: Give to Oedipus! *THUD!* Give to Oedipus! > and his metal skin was beaded with coolant as he pouted sensually at the > camera; Soi: Ooooooh, BAD image! Crow: How does a Transformer pout? Joel: You really want an answer? Crow: Well, no. > but what drew Alita's gaze was the erect interface nestled between > his parted thighs, Joel: That ain't no joystick. Crow (Alita): Talk about Prime! > straining upwards, just begging for attention. Soi: If he makes it roll over, I'm leaving! Tom: I'd like to see it fetch, personally. > His hand lay on his thigh, caressing the metal suggestively. Crow (Seth Triggs): Oh Optimus, the exhaust pipe is so long and hard! And *chrome-plated!* Soi & Joel: CROW!!! > Alita's leg shifted as a tingling sensation began between her legs, Soi (looking uncomfortable): If I hear one faulty wiring joke from you guys. . . > causing the packet balanced on her lap to slide to the floor. As she bent > to pick it up, she felt a weight inside and realized that there was something more. Tom: Oh, good. Maybe it's a script. Crow: That would require a plot. And since this is a lemon. . . Tom: Oh, right. >She reached inside curiously and withdrew a Playbot vidmag Bots: Saaaaaaaayy. . . Joel: Great. And I just finished getting rid of Crow's collection. Crow: You what?! > with a yummy green male posing suggestively on the cover. Bots: GAH! Tom (disgusted): Who would want to read that, anyways? Crow: Yummy. . . green. . . going to be . . . sick. . . Joel: Serves you guys right. Tom: You're in this, too, Joel! > She tossed it aside without a second glance, Soi (Hidden Assassin): *BONK!* Ow! > preferring the amateur photo in front of her. Seeing that the package > still was not empty, Joel: She thanked the patron saint of 2 for 1 coupons. > she reached in and withdrew a vibrator. Joel & bots: Unnggghh. . . Soi (sighs): Of *course*. What *else* could it have been? Joel (weakly): Don't get Crow started. > Alita smirked at the phallic toy. Crow (peering): Wait a . . . . Jiffy Lube? Joel: Crow > "He certainly knows how to send a girl off in style," she purred. Soi: Now she's a catgirl? Nyan nyan! ^=^ Tom: How did you do that? Soi: (smiles) > She was determined to enjoy her last few days to the fullest. Tom (Alita): Break out the Monopoly game! > She turned her attention back to the sensual picture in > front of her, running her hand down her sleek throat slowly. Joel (Alita): Hmmmm. Time for a shave. > The sensitive circuitry, long neglected, surged into life. Crow: SURGE!!! > She shuddered at the sensations. Ironic that it had taken a suicide > mission Joel: To get to the local 7-Eleven. > to find a few peaceful minutes all to herself. She couldn't complain, > though, Soi (disgusted): Because hey, she had sex, so death wasn't that big a deal. > since she knew that Optimus had it even worse. Tom: Yeah, he had those cast-iron haemorrhoids to deal with. > Sometimes he had to seal the door, deactivate his communicator, Crow: And jump up and down on the bed like a little kid! > and take matters into his own hands to find relief, Soi: Uh, just skip that one. > so to speak. Poor guy- it was sad, but she couldn't help giggling. Soi: Yes, men are such worthless creatures, designed for nothing more than our amusement. . . Joel: Um, Soi ? > Her hands moved lower, fingertips circling the edges of her > breastplate. Tom: First chink in the armour. Crow: Shouldn't that be, first *chick* in the armour? Soi (cracks knuckles and sparks fly from her joints): Crow. . . > The sensory peaks underneath seemed to be melting Tom (Wicked Witch): AHHHHH! I'm melting, I'm melting! > with fiery heat, and a small whimper escaped her lips. She > wanted to rip off the oppressive armor Soi: Okay. Break out the can opener! Bots: Soooii! > and stroke the orbs underneath, Tom (Alita): This one says, "Answer hazy; ask again". > but the suspense was too enjoyable. 'I wonder what Optimus was > thinking about when he took this picture,' she mused. Joel: Lunch? Crow: That "tire rotation" he had been promised by WheelJack? Soi (giggles) > 'He certainly looks rather happy. Probably was thinking about what I'm > doing right now.' Tom: Waiting to die? Gets me hot. Joel: More information than we needed to know, Tom. Tom: I was being sarcastic. > Below, her interface began to give off small twinges, demanding to be satisfied. Joel: Needs a SCSI cable. Soi: SCSI? Crow: yeah, Smooth, Creamy. . . Soi: Never mind. > A shudder jerked through her body, and her hands instinctively pressed on > the release panels, removing the concealing armor. Tom: NO! Not the explosive decompression hatch under the left armpit! *KAAAABOOOOMMM!" > Her breasts kissed open air, All: (make kissing noises) > and the metal skin pricked with oversensitivity. Soi (raises a hand and arcs of electricity crackle): Like this? > Alita forced herself to sit still, surveying the exposed expanse of > metal, Joel (Alita): Gonna need a sledgehammer to pound out some of those dents. Bots: Ow. > until the throbbing beneath her legs became unbearable. Tom: You know. . . I always thought Transformers was just a kids' show. But now. . . > Her hips shifted on the chair of their own accord, searching to assuage > the ache but only stoking the flame. Crow (Sam Malone): Hot fire below! > Her fingertips inched across the orbs, delicately fingering the peaks, All (make squeaking noises) > sending ripples of pleasure down through her belly. Soi: Since when does metal *ripple*? Tom: Depends on the kind of Shockwaves. Crow: If *he* shows up, I'm gone! > She began panting lightly at the irresistible sensation. All (singing): Simply irresistible! > Oh yes, it had most definitely been too long since she had done this. Soi: What, starred in a twisted lemon? > Still, she was doing it now, and never had her own touch felt so > good. Joel: Touch yourself again, for the first time. > Her desire grew as she focused on the erotic photo before her, Crow: Was that a joke? Tom: Probably not. Crow: It was still bad. > but still it was not enough. Joel: More food! More mini pizzas! More little things impaled on a stick! > Unfortunately it couldn't interact, which was what she wanted. Tom: And most of the magazine reading world would agree with her. > She got more turned on by fantasies than by still images. Soi: I can relate to that. More women use their imaginations than men, since men don't have any imagination to begin with. Joel & bots: Hey. . . > The mind truly was the greatest erogenous zone, Crow: Okay, I'll just rip the top of your head off and pull some wires. Will that do it? > and she had quickly learned what pleased it the most. Joel: Let me guess: brain candy? > Her mind began to wander, Soi: And never came back. > calling up memories that were sure to get her fuel pumping. Tom: Not only that, but actually clean her engine while she drives! > She smiled fondly as one of her favourite memories came to her -- Crow: The night she got to use the *self serve* pump at the gas station. Soi: Shut up, Crow. > the first time she had caught Optimus masturbating. All: GYYYAAAHHHH! Soi: I *DON'T* want that image! > She had come home earlier than usual, having canceled a briefing, Joel: Opting for a pantsing, instead. > and stumbled upon his auto-pleasuring. All: (groan) Tom: Really bad joke # 2. > She had nearly cried out and given herself away, Crow (Alita): SNAKE! Oh, sorry, wait . . . > but she had managed to stay quiet and watch the show, which was > spectacular. Tom (Alita): So *that's* "Oliver Twist"! I wondered why he called it that. > Her pants grew All: (snicker) > louder as the remembered images had a strong effect on her aroused body. Tom: Should we pray for a short-circuit? > In her mind, Prime's optics were closed in silent ecstacy, his hand pumping Joel: Regular or Unleaded? > smoothly away at his erect unit, coolant gathering on the overheated metal. Soi: *sizzling noises* (Prime, falsetto): Uh-oh. Major meltdown! Joel (turns blue): Soi. . . > Even in the midst of private stimulation, his reactions were subdued and > controlled until the last minute, Crow: Kind of like Spock. Tom: Spock . . . stimulating. . . (head begins to smoke) Joel: I think alt.startrek.creative.erotica would have plenty to say about that. > as if he were almost afraid to let go. That was her job, Joel: To let him go? Tom: Off a cliff into a car crusher. > to get him to loosen up. She squeezed the large spheres, Soi: And I was very disappointed in that movie. > relishing the sensations, as her lower armor became slightly damp. Joel: Geez, sensitive electrical equipment and water. *Not* good! > She moaned freely as she felt wetness gather between her folds. Crow (Alita): Ooooh, that's going to rust in the morning! > 'How devious,' she thought in amusement. 'He manages to get me wet > even when he's not here!' Tom: I think Ranma's felt the same way about that little washer woman and her bucket. > They had both become used to auto-stimulation since Crow: They *were* cars and all that. > the other was rarely around, but when they managed to grab a few minutes alone Joel: In a quiet parking spot. > they became like animals in heat. Soi: I can see that causing quite a few dents in sensitive areas. > Her hands left her chest and slid down her smooth belly, > tracing circles on the heated metal as her mind changed tracks, Crow: And we have. . . derailment! Tom: Nope. Leave that to Mark Page. > focusing in on another memory. Tom: Alita IS Johnny Mnemonic! > She and Optimus had both been so incredibly busy at one point that > they had not seen each other in nearly a week. Joel: Yeah, those Cybertron rush hour traffic jams can be killer. > They both had an important briefing to attend in a scant few minutes, > but as they passed each other, heads bent in concentration and some > part due to exhaustion, their optics locked Tom (Prime): Oh for. . . Hey! Someone want to get us an oil can? Or at least some Visine? > and a silent message passed between them. Crow: Binary code. Gotta love it. > Alita abruptly turned and followed him to a cramped storage closet Joel (Prime): We need more steel wool! > whose door refused to lock. "Gotta get that fixed," Optimus had growled in > her ear as he drew her close. Soi (Alita): How about we just get *you* fixed, Tarzan? > "Never know when we'll need this spot again." Then, without preamble, he > had ripped off his cod Tom: So that's where all the fish went off the East Coast! > piece and her lower coverings and delved into her, Crow: *CLANG!*, *CLANG!*, *CLANG!* > not even bothering to remove her breastplate in the scant few minutes they had. Soi: Hmmmmph. Typical man. > Unable to bear the suspense Joel (Alita): Ummm, was it O.J.? > and building sensations any longer, Alita rose from her seat, Tom: Only to find that Optimus had crazy-glued her butt to it. >causing the pool of lubricant to begin trickling out of the seams of her sod piece. Soi: Ewwww. Clean-up in Aisle Seven. > She thrust her hips against the console roughly Joel (Alita): I *know* this is how you do the Macarena! > as her interface frictioned within the armor. It was not enough to sooth the > burning ache, Crow: She needed some more secret sauce! > so she hastily unfastened the clasps and tossed the metal aside, Tom (Hiding Prime): *CLANG!* Ow. . . > groaning as a rush of air cooled her overheated circuitry. Joel: This program has performed an illegal operation and will shut down. > Her fingers moved instinctively to the raised nub that crowned her > sexual equipment, Soi: That just. . . says it all, right there. Joel & bots: Oh, yeah? > biting back a shriek as hot surges ran down the sensor node. Crow: When your engines overhead, use Castrol XLR! > She was becoming more fevered by the minute, unable to take it slow > any longer. Soi (singing): what a lovely way to burn . . . Fever!! Crow: Hey, that's nice. Soi: Kissup. > The teasings of the past few minutes had whetted her appetite, All: (imitate the sounds of knives being sharpened) > and now she wanted satisfaction. Her hand frictioned Tom: There's that word again. > against the blazing circuitry, tickling her lips, then probed at her entrance. Joel: *DING DONG!* Avon Lady! > The digit slipped in effortlessly until it was completely sheathed. Crow: Oh, Saran Wrap. > She quickly added another, crying out at the luxurious sensation of fullness. Tom: Soi, any comments? Soi: Ehhhh, not really. > 'Too bad Prime's missing out on the show,' she thought Joel (Alita): Considering it's such Prime stuff! > with a smirk as her hips pumped against her thrusting hand. Tom (imitating fuel pump): *PING!* *PING!* *PING!* > Seized with a sudden thought, Soi: It dragged her away, kicking and screaming. > she quickly scanned for hidden cameras, Crow: Pay no attention to us! We're just a weather balloon, just some swamp gas! > but the scan came up empty. She hadn't really expected anything Joel: That's all right. Neither did we. > since any transmission from the ship would have given her position away, Soi: I'll say it, guys. Assume the position! > but she knew that Optimus was a closet voyeur. Tom: He enjoyed watching closets? Joel: Probably watching the coat hangers multiply. > Her gyrating hips bumped against the console before her, Crow (computer): WARNING: Self-destruct activated! > and she began to rub against the edge, losing all reason in her lust. Joel: What? She's going to make out with the computer? Crow: Now *that's* user-friendly! > She whimpered as the throbbing between her legs grew more > intense. She wanted more; Tom (Alita): Super-size it! Joel: Tom. . . > she wanted Optimus between her legs, but since she couldn't have him > there had to be some substitute. Soi: If she pulls out one of those Optimus Prime Transformer toys, I *am* leaving! > Her optics fell upon the opened package. Of course, how could > she have forgotten? Crow: Of course! Just take the stamp glue and. . . Soi: Zip it, Crow. > Alita removed her thrusting fingers, moaning slightly as the delightful > frictioning stopped, then headed over to where she had placed the > packet's delectable contents. Joel: Anyone else who finds this disturbing raise their hands. (Soi and Crow raise their hands) Joel: Tom? Tom: If I had a hand to raise, it'd be up. > Her fingers glistened wetly, and she placed them in her mouth, > sucking them clean. Soi (Alita): Hmmmm. 3 in 1 oil? Crow (turning green again): Uh-oh. . . . > That never failed to send Optimus into orbit, Tom (Optimus): Morning, Ranma! Joel (Ranma): Morning, rustbucket! > and occasionally she let him have a taste. Soi (turning slightly green as well): Oh, thank you for that. . . image (She shakes herself violently, going back to pale.) > She found the object she was looking for, Crow: Ah, there's the airsick bag! Give it here! > running her fingers lovingly over the cylinder shape, Joel: Oh, her athsma medication. Of course. > gazing at it with lustful optics. She kissed the tip of the vibrator, Tom: Then it accidentally switched on *high*, shaking her head off her shoulders. The end. > then halted, a naughty thought entering her CPU. Crow (Alita): Crash the system while they're downloading their e-mail. . . yes. > She gazed thoughtfully at the shuttle's bay window on the side, where stars > whizzed by outside. Soi (Alita): I wonder what the author would do if I threw myself through it? Joel: Great. Now Soi's going dark. Oh well. . . > She turned back to the control panel and found the knob that controlled the > window, Joel (Alita): Window goes up. . . Tom: (imitates atmosphere rushing out) Joel (Alita): Window goes down. . . Tom (goes silent) Joel (Alita): Window goes up. . . Tom (makes sound of body being sucked out.) > twisting it until it became opaque, blocking out the stars, then took on a > mirror's reflection. Alita sauntered over to the window, Crow (gunslinger): Howdy, pilgrim! > legs trembling slightly in anticipation as lubricant dripped down her thighs. Soi (Alita slipping): WHHHOOOAAAHHHH! *CRASH!* > She stopped in front of the window and took a long, lingering look at the > reflection of her exposed body. Tom: Maybe it'll reach out and grab her, like in the Twilight Zone. > She knew that she had a good figure, Joel: The original Six Million Dollar Woman. > and the curious looks from the male half of the army confirmed it. Crow (Private): The general's carrying cannonballs in his shirt pockets again, guys. > While more attention would have been inappropriate, she didn't mind their gaze. Soi (smirking): Or inspecting their rifles, either? > She found some of them to be rather attractive as well. Tom: As for the big guns. . . Joel: We'll go past that part, Tom. > Her optics took in her parted, full lips, her swollen breasts whose tips seemed > to glow with energy, Crow: Fire Phasers!!! > her taut belly, and then her interface port, open and glistening, crying out for Soi: The mouse? (Joel chokes) Tom: If she does, I'll scream. > attention. She smiled at her reflection and grasped her breasts in both hands, Tom: Then the silicone exploded all over the shuttle. > watching avidly as her twin did the same. Joel: This brings a whole new meaning to "auto-eroticism". > Her reflection arched her back and thrust out her chest Crow: Ah, the Macarena warmup. > as another trickle of liquid slid down her heated interface. Soi: You can almost see the steam rising. (Winces) Then again. . . > Her hands trembled slightly as they slid down her smooth metal, optics > riveted Tom: Rivets popping. . . > on the motions that were mimicked in the mirror. One hand lightly toyed > with her aroused interface, Crow (hand): Does this bug you? I'm not. . . well, I guess I *am* touching you. > making her keen out loud in desperation, tracing the damp folds. Joel: Man, if she folds that, it's going to fall apart at the seams! > It was almost as if her reflection was someone else, Soi (Alita): Scram, Q. Tom: Really *bad* crossover idea, Soi. Don't let Ratliff hear you. > that she was watching another female pleasure herself. She stepped forward, > watching the other advance as well. All (singing): Isn't it strange, feels like I'm looking in a mirror. . . > She pressed herself against the mirror, watching her breasts connect with her > reflection Soi (Alita): *CLICK!* Uh-oh. . . > yet feeling only the chill from the window, not the warmth of another body. Joel: Since when are Transformers warm? They're made of metal! They're supposed to be cold!! Crow: Don't think about it, Joel. You won't like the answer. > She rubbed her breasts against the cold surface, feeling the tips stiffen even more > at the chill. Tom: I wonder if her tongue would stick to herself in cold weather? Joel: Don't go there, Tom. > Her interface strained forward to friction against her reflection, Crow: This device cannot be found. (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)ail? All: FAIL! > and she gasped at the sight, a gush of fluid streaming out and streaking the surface. All: EWWWW! Soi: Get the Windex! Crow: Uhhhhh. . excuse me, guys. (Crow rushes off to a corner of the theater and begins throwing up.) Soi: And a mop! > She winked at her twin, mere centimeters away, then kissed the window, Tom: Then, the pressure of the vacuum stuck her lips to the glass permanently. Joel: That wouldn't happen, Tom. Tom: I can dream, can't I? > keeping her optics online to see her reflection do the same. Joel: But her optics were on Geocities and had a bad time lag. > She backed up slowly, watching her mirror twin retreat as well, All (but Crow, chanting): Two steps forward, one step back! Two steps forward, one step back! > the reflection slightly obscured by the trail of lubricant on the mirror. Crow (staggering back): Bleah. That hurt. > She was ready to begin the final stage of her pleasuring as the intense squeezings > from deep within warned her Tom: The strange alien was about to burst out of her chest. > that she had better finish herself off fast. Joel (Sledge Hammer): Look, I'm running a bit short on time, here, so just finish yourself off. Tom: I miss that sitcom. > She raised the vibrator and turned it on, feeling the comforting vibrations. All (singing): Good, good, good vibrations! > She moved it to her breasts, panting as her double did the same, > sliding the vibrating tip over her burning peaks, Tom: I have a sudden urge to watch a documentary on volcanoes. > sending great spikes of sensation down to her molten interface. Crow: Strange. Me, too. > Her hips pumped at the empty air, searching to extinguish the burning. Joel: I hear Preparation H is good for that. > The phallus trailed down her belly, causing her circuitry to prickle, Soi (Alita): Oh, there's that short. . . *FZZT!* > then made small circles down her thigh, becoming damp from the liquid > streaking her metal flesh. Tom: Hope she's got a good coat of sealing wax. > Unable to bear the suspense, Crow (Alita): Colonel Mustard in the Library, with the Candlestick! > she moved the vibrator up her leg again to the straining, pulsing sensor node > that stood out between her legs. Soi (slapping a hand over her eyes): I am never going to be able to watch this show again! > She choked on a scream as it buzzed against the most sensitive part of her body, Tom: And shook her into a pile of nuts and bolts. The end. > feeling her inner muscle cables spasm in preparation. Sensing her orgasm > draw ever nearer, she guided the vibrator down her moist cleft, then abruptly > plunged it in as deep as it would go. Crow (Alita): *THUNK!* Oh, that's going to leave a mark! Soi (wincing): CROW!! Crow: Oh sorry, Soi. > She watched in fascination as her reflection thrust against the phallus, hands > working the toy frantically as her legs trembled. Tom: Great, it was a Transformers toy, after all. What do they call him, "Prime Rib?" > Her oxygen intakes began to hitch as climax began to swoop down to claim her. Joel: Must be one of those new Predacons. > Her face screwed up in ecstatic agony as she forced her optics to stay online, So: Don't use AOL, then. > wanting to watch her reflection cum with her. Her double's hips pistoned rapidly, Tom (Announcer): When pistons start pounding, your car's engine can really heat up! > her hand moving up to change the vibrator's setting to the highest possible. Soi (Alita): S-s-s-ss-omebod-d-d-d-d-ddy h-h-h-h-heeelp-p-p-p- m-m-m-m-meeee! > Liquid tricked from the corners of her optics as her interface squeezed, gripping the > vibrator within fiercely, Crow: Kama Sutra, eat your heart out. The Transformers are here! > then fluttered into rhythmic contractions, wrenching a cry from the femme All: Nikita? > as she struggled to watch her reflection tremble with the buzzing phallus straining > upwards from her spasming folds. Joel: Like the oh-so ugly CN Tower. > Her knees abruptly gave way as her orgasm faded, and she wilted onto the floor. Soi: Looks like she needs some watering. > She quickly regained her senses, and her inner cables twitched again, demanding more. Tom: More channels! More. . . money!!! > She sat up, knees tucked underneath her, and once again her optics locked Crow (Alita, banging herself on the side of the head): Focus! Focus! > onto the femme before her, vibrator still protruding from her stretched > nether lips. She began to work the toy within her once more Soi (Alita): Let's see, this shows the arms, this props up to become the tail. . . Crow (Alita): So *that's* what was poking me! > as her index finger rubbed at her straining sensor node. Tom (Alita): *POP!* Owie. . . > This time her optics shut down of their own accord, unable to spare the > power as her body expended energy in vast amounts. Tom: Supernova! Soi: Well, that's one term for it. > She bent forward, back curling over her splayed knees as her interface > squeezed for all it was worth, Crow: About a buck eighty-five. > sending tremors throughout her body. She moaned and writhed as her > entire body was wracked by release, nearly blacking out as the pleasure faded. Soi: Now see, guys? *That's* why women are better than you. We've got more endurance. You just fall asleep after the first time. Joel: Hey! > She lay for a few minutes on the floor, Tom: Next to the sign, "Slippery When Wet" Joel: Tom. . . > somehow having shifted from being curled over her knees to flat on her back, the > vibrator still buzzing away between her legs. Crow: Now *that's* what I call "blowing a fuse"! > She dreamily reached down and shut off the toy but left it between her > gripping folds, Tom (vibrator): Ow! Watch it, Miss Vice Grips! Miss Pliers! Soi: Tom, that's copyrighted to Robin Williams and Megane 6.7. Tom: yeah, but it's fun. > enjoying the fullness it provided. Her release had been finally granted, > and she had enjoyed it utterly. Joel: But I think this lemon just violated a condition of her parole. > She wasn't quite yet ready for more, Crow: I *know* I'm not. > but she was determined to make the most out of the time she had left. Soi: Like flower-arranging, author killing, maybe some needlepoint! > Her wandering optics fell Joel: *THUMP!* Tom (makes sound of eyeballs rolling across the floor.) > on the Playbot magazine she had tossed aside. Her interface twitched slightly > at the sight, Tom (Alita, reading): "Prime Stuff! Monica Lewinsky on Cybertron" exclusive? > not yet ready to go again but intrigued by the prospect of more pleasuring, very > soon. Soi (praying): Let it end here, let it end here, let it. . . . > 'Hmm,' Alita thought to herself. 'I wonder if any of the guys in there > are posing on a bearskin rug?' Crow: Hopefully, they're being eaten by the bear. > > The End All: HALLELUJAH! Soi (wipes her brow): Thank Seiryuu! Joel: Oh, man. Let's get out of here, guys. (Soi leaps out of her seat and takes off for the exit. Joel stops to pick up Tom, then he and Crow run out after Soi.) *SATELLITE OF LOVE, 2300 HOURS* Soi plunked herself down in the main chair. "I'm sorry, guys. I just don't know what happened to the Fanfic Switcher. I mean, I thought it was in my room with my kit!" Crow frowned. "Soi, didn't you do the laundry this week?" She sat up. "Yes, I did." Then she paused. "Ohhh, excuse me." As she dashed off the bridge, Joel sighed and sat down in her place. "Well, we survived, guys. But only because there were almost no spelling mistakes or anything *really* sick." As the Mads light started to flash, he reached over and slapped it. "Still here, sir. Still sane, sir." *DEEP 13* Dr. Forrester shook his head sadly. "Joel, Joel, Joel. . . . You're making me look bad in front of the other evil scientists out there! When are you just going to give up and allow your head to crack like the egg it is?" *SATELLITE OF LOVE* "Not for a long time, sir." *DEEP 13* "Oh yes, Joel. It *will* be a very long time! I can guarantee you that! Well, until next week!" With an agry stab, Dr. Forrester cut off the feed from the Satellite of Love. Then he turned back to his other bank of monitors, where Belladona, Dr. Thinker, Vincent McMahon, Karmacide, Oscar, and Drs. Octavo, Woodster, and Edmund Blackadder were all staring at him. Dr. Blackadder grinned evilly. "So, Forrester, you said that you had finally broken his will. What went wrong?" "Ummmm, as you can see. . . Joel has any annoying tendancy to resist going insane, no matter how foolproof a fanfic may be. Belladonna nodded. "My subjects, too, remain stubborn, despite all my attempts to drive them crazy." Vincent MacMahon shrugged. "Good try, though, Clayton. I would have bet the career of Brian Christopher on Joel going insane." TV's Frank leaned in. "Um, isn't he pretty. . . pathetic?" "That's why I'd have bet his career, not someone I cared about, sidekick!" Dr. Forrester sighed. "Frank, push the button for our guests. I need another Mr. Sake." "Right-ho, sir!" *BZZZZZZT!* "Say, Mr. Frank, how'd you like to come work for me?" "Really, Mr. Oscar?" "Frank. . . ." ========================================================== "Bear with me while I speak, and after I have spoken, mock on." Job 21:3, NIV ========================================================== Notes: My first (and hopefully only) lemon. Ouch. Thanks to Phantom who eagerly awaits this MSTing, since he has a great sense of humour. To all the other MSTers who have alternate Satellites, keep on trying to break their will! And to Slash. . . This is a direct challenge from me to you to give up. If you have the courage to respond, I'll be waiting. E-mail can be sent to cadz0001@algonquinc.on.ca Nightbreak MSTings: 1- 10: "Ranger Moon" saga (Power Rangers/ Sailor Moon crossover) 11: "Ay-yi-yi" (Power Rangers Short) 12-14: "I Will Remember You" (Sailor Moon Self-Insertion) Collaboration with Blazej Szpakowicz. 15: "Sailor Moon: The Ultimate Evil" (Winnie The Pooh/Sailor Moon) 16: "Surprises All Around, Part 1" (Tenchi Muyo) 17: "Master-MSTer Triple Feature" (SVAM Veteran MST) 18: "Unseen Signs" (Ratliff does Ranma!) Collaboration with CrowBar 19: "Precious Things" (Transformers Lemon)